I've been thinking a lot recently. About so many things, but no one thing in particular, if you know what I mean.
I think it's natural around this time of year to take stock of your life, especially if you're living abroad. If I were back in the US, I'd probably be too caught up in the Thanksgiving-Black Friday-Christmas-New Year vortex to have time to think about much beyond the next family/friend gathering. Living in France though, it seems I have nothing but time to sit and parse through my finnicky moods.
Part of my antsiness comes from knowing that I will be back in the US soon. While I'm excited to go back, I'm equally uninspired to summon the animation required to answer the exclamation/question "How's France?!"
.
Maybe I'll practice answering now: France is fine. It's wonderful and challenging and upsetting and inspiring in very unequal doses. I feel pushed to grow and loved every day. I feel excited and anxious for the future. Sometimes, I fantasize about moving back to the US and taking a job that automatically gives me the structure that is acutely missing some days.
But when the fantasy turns into logistics and planning, the momentary interest evaporates, leaving me to ponder the meaning behind the things we think we want.
#expatlife
